i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize