is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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