Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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