She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
