And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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