the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize