Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
