come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
