I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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