ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
