I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
