So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
