I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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