Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
