So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
