1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Green mimosas i think yes
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
