i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
