Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Randomize
