there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
