There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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