Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize