you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
