32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
