You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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