i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize