you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
