i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
