is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
