You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize