I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
