Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
