angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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