imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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