Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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