I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
