How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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