You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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