I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize