I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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