I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
