Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
