I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
