It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have tasted many bathrooms
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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