I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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