look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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