those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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