I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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