I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
