I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
