bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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