Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
