when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
