there were more penises there than on chat roulette
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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