Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
