You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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