I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
