do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
