After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
