sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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