I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
