It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
