Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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