home. puking in laundry basket.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
