I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
