I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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