Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
