She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
