I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
COCAINE IS GR8
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
