It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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