so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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