you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
