he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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