two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
