Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
