i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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