carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
